Max Who?
TV that you control
March 2010

WHO CARES ABOUT THE TRUTH WHEN YOU HAVE TV?

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As the conscience passed from one phase to another it suddenly realised it was being
followed. It stopped and hid behind a thought cloud and disappeared down a passage of
time, just to see if it was able to come behind its pursuer.
As it did it suddenly occurred that it was in the same place it was before momentarily at
exactly the same point in time and that is why you should never do drugs...
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POODLES? SHEEP WITH ISSUES

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KIDS have never had it so good. Not content with having to deal with the trials and
tribulations of hair growing in strange places (the back of the bathroom door; discarded
chocolate buttons under the surrogate wardrobe once known as a bed; or between
grandma’s teeth); teachers whose only crime is a complete lack of moral fibre and the
knowledge of how to teach common sense (not a double lesson on a Friday afternoon);
but also knowing that the world has the potential to explode completely and utterly and
any given time due to the absolutely and completely insane form of governance and
pop-art media that has got people reaching for all manner of mind-free(z)ing chemicals
to make the soft warm haze reappear and everything to feel nice again.
Okay you can take whatever it is that you need to escape but you won’t.
Not until the crazed nutters are put back inside their boxes and sealed until a time when
lobotomies can be carried out by osmosis. Maybe water-boarding is the more industrial
version of this process?

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THE SURVIVAL OF art

PERSONALLY, I like
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Abstract. We are so conditioned by the concept of time.
We forget to laugh at the absurdity of WHAT? It actually
signifies according to a well-versed approach to the system


TIME=MONEY

Oops i did it again

Look out for the flying monkeys
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PICK A WINDOW, YOU'RE LEAVING

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THERE once were noble peoples, who lived together in peace,
living off of the land, hunting together, gathering together, roaming
freely and paying homage to the Earth from which they came, and
to which they would return.
Now all was good in nature, the balance between human existence
and nature’s kitchen, food was plentiful and water clean. All creatures
great and small co-existed and there was no need for fighting, leaving
time for free expression through the creation of skills and methods to
make life easier for all.
So what happened? Was it the discovery of precious metals, so strong
as to defy belief? How about the uncovering of precious stones, pure
and light and full of awe? Or even the magic of magic, the ability to turn
pebbles into gems or into gold? Or was it just the greed, the desire to
own and hold these objects of lust as a means of status or power?

If so that’s kinda dumb.

But what is even dumber is to subscribe to the concept that we should
pay deference to those who own all this crap.

That’s really dumb.
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AS EASY AS FALLING OFF OF A BIKE

A PINT OF THE BLACK STUFF

T
HOSE who can, as the story goes, bitch, but for the rest of us delight
comes from the ability to pass on our wisdom and intellect, as well as
the warped sense of humour (yes there is a u in it, the u stands for laugh
at ‘u’rself, because we are).
But more importantly is the little nugget of knowledge that is slowly filtering
into the mainstream mindset;
Forget what they taught you at school. Load of old bollocks, by and large,
especially History. If time has taught us one thing it is this; Nobody likes a
smart-arse. especially one who reels off a lot of mumbo-jumbo that they
read from Mr Victor, the winner, and therefore by default, the history
re-writer.
Truth will never be gleaned from a book, because it isn’t in a book. Your truth
may very well be correct, if you should have one. Mine sincerely is, because
I say so.
With that truth comes responsibility.
As does the much loved and revered art of drinking.
Don’t ask me my age and I won’t ask you yours.
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WHOEVER SAID IT ISN'T A RACE NEVER WON ANYTHING

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I mean I’m not naturally competitive, it is something that was distilled in
me purely as a means of getting the inner warrior to come out, so to speak.
Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
A little competition never hurt nobody, except when the event has an
element of risk involved, you know, deep sea whaler fishing, marathon golfing
(getting into as many holes in as short a space of time as you can) speed
marbles, manhole cover tiddlywinks, claymore petanque.
But I find the true spirit of winning comes from competing against your self.
You know the self of which I speak.
You have a side that will always win, and it usually involves cheating.
Like playing chess, for example. This is why I no longer play, I found my
racialist side coming out.
But I don’t wish to unseal that vessel of oligochaeta so I’ll just accept the
fact that I am marginally better than me at certain sports, but much better
than I used to be (when I was five especially, I was pretty crap at boxing,
even I can admit that).

Live fast, die old, let your great-grand kids pick up the pieces.
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EMOTIONS ICONS AND COCOONS

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S
O it happened. I was busy minding someone else’s business when I
was taken aback by, what I later discovered to be, an emo-con (Pretty much
like a neo-con only slightly less likely to want to $%^& you).
Now normally I wouldn’t take offence, let alone the barbed wire on top,
but it was more the lack of understanding as to whether I was being dissed
or disunderstood.
And the offending typographical entry?
:/
Now, I had to confer and was left with a bit of a * in my %.
Apparently it signifies ‘I’m happy but I’ve had a stroke’.

Well not wishing for you, the reader, to fall into the same trap as I, I would
rather much like to identicate a few of these here so-called emo-cons;

:# - I like hash
:#@ - I like hash browns
;#@ - I like hash browns (if you know what I mean)
{:#@? - Do you like hash browns?
}:#@? - Why don’t you like hash browns?
||:#@ - I’m worried about hash browns

And if you step on the clowns feet, make sure you get close to the ankle.


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BEING JUDGED BY THE WOO-HOOs

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IT’S enough to make you scream, someone rushing at you from behind on a dark night in the
middle of nowhere. Fortunately we had enough biscuits to share and nobody felt the need to
carry the conversation any further than its natural inconclusion.
So what is it then that makes some people screamers and others hooters? Is it just an inane
sense of freedom, a carrying away of the reservedness or stiffness that others feel compelled
to maintain? Or is it just a release that people find augments their state further to unbridled
joy and ecstatic existence?

I don’t care.


Just as long as they are happy.
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WHERE IT ALL BEGINDED

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B
ORN at the age of three to confuse the enemy, Max first started walking backwards, in the
hope of retracing the historical Steppes.He soon learned how to teleport using a mirror and
a comb covered in tissue paper.He was educated at Eton, where Adam West loyally served
as his Batman.After leaving Harvard with a masters in debating he was stationed on the
DeathStar where he was awarded the CongressionalSausage Roll for services to oh! the
humanity. He trained under Mark 'Woody' Wood in the ancient and well-respected art of
free-fall stamp collecting.Unfortunately in a freak storm he lost grip of his penny black which
flew into the engine of a passing airline jet, which unfortunately fell out of the sky through a
conveniently located hole in the ozone layer,redefining the world in one strange twist of late.
Life would never be the same again.
The rest, as they say, is biology, so without much ado about nothing,
be prepared to be prepared.


Labels and Jumblemens,


Max Impact.
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FIGHTING IGNORANCE ONE PIG AT A TIME